I felt inspired to write this post on account of the changes I’ve been making throughout the past few months.
So here it goes.
As I’m using the elliptical at the gym, I tune out the world around me by playing a few youtube videos. I always try to stick to videos that are positive and inspiring.
Last year, I started noticing how often I felt compelled to change. I was constantly comparing myself to people in the videos I’d watch… or even people I follows on social media.
I let myself fall into a dark, negative place of wishing. Wishing I was different. Wishing I was better. Wishing I could change.
During this time, I also found myself super unmotivated to reach out to friends and connect with community. I was unmotivated to make any effort, whether it was for myself or someone else.
I’m typically an extraverted person, so this attitude really took a toll on my confidence. I think it would take a toll on most people, to be honest.
I would convince myself of being “too tired” to hang out, go to events…write. I wanted a quick fix. I wanted a solution. But as I watched more videos and studied more influential people that promote positive and compassionate living, something clicked.
I said to myself, “wow, I really am a lazy person”.
I know, I know, that’s a harmful thing to say about yourself. Kind of defeats the point, right?
But I didn’t think I was lazy in the typical way. I kept a fairly tidy house. I cooked, worked hard at my job. I even started working out more than ever before!
Then how was I lazy?
With my mind and with my spirit.
I was convincing myself to prioritize things that didn’t really bring me a sense of fulfillment, such as coming home and sitting on the couch and binge watching a show.
Not that a little “me time” is wrong because I definitely believe we all need to take rest time for ourselves. In fact, I believe it should be a priority. But coming home after work everyday watching tv was not restful for me. Once in a while it was, but not every. single. evening.
After I started to understand that this sense of laziness is completely normal, I began making an effort to learn how to undo it.
I started saying little mantras to myself at the gym on days I didn’t feel like working out: “Well, at least you showed up! That’s something to be proud of.”
I stopped thinking so much about everything. I made more of an effort to stop debating everything in my head.
Basically? I planted the seed of mental and emotional confidence into my heart and began feeding it. I “tried” a little harder every day.
Then every day turned into weeks.
Now here I am, not quitting a blog shortly after starting it just because it’s not growing fast enough. That is worth being proud of. That brings me a sense of confidence and fulfillment.
Complaining about the lack of community I have when in fact, community is all around me and I have to be willing to take the first steps into the village.
Now? I am part of the team that’s bringing Greenville it’s first Veg Fest and not only that, but I have an amazing group of people that I can connect with on a daily basis. I have a fantastic job working for a company that’s pretty much my family.
You see? This “laziness” is nothing more then a small flame looking to burn into a huge bon fire.
It’s that small spark that, in the back of our minds, encourages us to go to that meeting once a month, wake up early to grab a coffee with a friend, make an effort to bring something huge to a town full of awesome people that want to learn about health and how to show compassion towards others.
It’s the fire that helps us live. I wanted a sense of living so incredibly much, and I finally feel that I’m on that path.
Sometimes it’s so, so hard.
But the truth is that you’ve always had it in you.
Light the fire. Let it burn so freakin high and bright and the things you want in this life will happen.